The Disappointing Truth. 

Are you feeling better today?

I get asked this nearly every day of my life. Or something similar. The answer? Well, that depends on who you are. An acquaintance gets Yeah, much better today. Thanks! Family, they usually are told I’m doing ok. 

But there are a tiny few who get the truth. Some are told how, one issue may have improved, but another is ten times worse. How, the virus everyone else has got over is still crippling me a month on. How, everything hurts. Some are even let in on the fact that I’m down. That, though I love my husband and children, I miss being me. I’m lonely stuck in my bed day in day out. I wish with all my heart I could be the tiniest bit spontaneous or fun. Even fewer are let in on the feelings of jealousy, that I hate myself for. Longing for the life others have. The life without pain and illness. 

But why only a few? Why do so many get the lie? I’ll tell you why. Because the truth disappoints people. 

Every time someone asks how I am, I know the answer they want. Everyone wants to hear you’re better. But for someone like me, better doesn’t really come. Even my good days are most people’s bad. Yes, I could still tell the truth. But then I’d have to have the awkward moment where people don’t really know where to go with the conversation. Or I’d have to be upbeat and laugh it off, be tough. I don’t always have the energy to be tough. 

I tried it for a while. I put it all out there. No holds barred. Someone asked me, I told them the truth. It didn’t last long before friends disappeared. I was told I was wallowing in my health problems, becoming a ‘martyr’ to them. A so called friend even told me how I always brought her down, and I should think more about how it impacts others to hear such depressing things. She then kindly extricated herself from my life. The thing was, she wasn’t the only one who told me how much of a burden I was. 

So I learned my lesson. I built my walls. I put on a smile and tell the world I’m fine! Thanks for asking xx 

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7 thoughts on “The Disappointing Truth. 

  1. So very true. I often wonder why people ask. Is it a social formality or are they generally interested. I’m lucky (in a way) that I have a friend with Fibro and we let it all hang out with each other. Also I find the women on the EDS-Scotland Facebook page are amazingly supportive even though most of us have never met in person, but that’s about to change when we all meet up next weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is very timely for me, I’ve recently started giving an honest answer to the ‘are you okay?’ question because I’m tired of hiding how I really feel. It gets mixed responses, but largely supportive so far. I have to find a balance between being honest and feeling negative, though, it’s difficult. Nice post, thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been living this exact experience for a while.
    I’ve lost friends that I thought of a family since becoming ill. I’ve even had some family disappear.
    I hope your walls aren’t becoming to high because there will be people who genuinely want to know how you are.
    I’m sending you positive energy today and every day to keep illness from taking too much from you and help you support your truth

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. My immediate family disappeared some time ago, I appreciate how hard that is. I’m learning, I think, to figure out those with a genuine interest. I tend to have walks with most. But not all. It’s hard not to become isolated though. A balancing act describes it well I think.

      Like

  4. I just found your pages today. In them I see so many reflections of my own existence. This particular entry of your blog really is all too familiar. I too hate that question. I hate having to either lie or complain. Some time ago I started just changing the subject or start inquiring about how they are doing. It’s not a perfect solution, but it usually allows me to avoid answering with the truth.
    Anyway, thank you for sharing your stories so candidly.

    Like

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