My heavy load..

So, I’m disabled. You wouldn’t think it to look at me, but I am. It’s a cruel joke that one of my conditions actually genetically predisposes me to look young and healthy, whilst internally I have the body of a seventy eight year old. (That’s a direct quote from a doctor.) Sometimes it’s nice to look normal. To slap on a smile and pretend to be just like everyone else. But mostly it’s hard, and exhausting. So very exhausting.

Imagine spending every day carrying a tonne of bricks on your back. They’re heavy. They grind you down. Your body creaks and aches from the weight of them. You never get to remove your load, not even to sleep, so even lying down the sharp edges jab into your already batters body. Sleep is impossible. Surely someone will help you? Nobody would let you struggle through life that way?? The problem is, your bricks are invisible. None but you can see them. So how can people help? They see you shuffling and stumbling from the weight, to them you’re just another young drunk. On busses and trains they hog seats, not knowing you’re ready to crumple. Your exhaustion, they say, can be cured with a little rest and some good sleep, a better mental attitude. As for your bricks? Well, surely they can’t exist. If people can’t see them, they can’t be there.

People soon stop attempting sympathy. Friends don’t call anymore. Whispers start about how all you seem to think about is the burden your bricks have on your life. Soon, your bricks have taken everything from you.

This is life with an invisible illness. Please, I implore you, if you know anyone with an invisible illness, help them carry their load. It means everything just to have a hand to hold on this hard journey.

2 thoughts on “My heavy load..

  1. Hi. Thank you for sharing. My daughter has hypermobilty syndrome chronic pain adhd and anxiety. She is only 10 and it is hard for me as a mum who does not suffer the pain to imagine this day in day out so it helps me to read adult interpretation. You are all very brave!! My little girl has started an ano ymous blog and is using it somewhat lime a diary which i hope helps her. You may want to have a look from a childs perspective (although you may remember or have suffered that long since a child yourself?). Thank you. Her link is the hms one is on 20th jan blogspot


    1. Thank you for your comment. Im really glad you enjoyed my post. I will definitely read your daughters blog. I have had issues all my life, but childhood memories are pretty hazy for me these days with my pain and fatigue.


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